RANT

it sounds stupid for me to say that i have an intense fear of talking on the phone to people that i dont know, but its true. aside from my fear of bridges and heights, i seriously dread talking to random people on the phone. this fear also effects how i feel about talking on the phone to family though. i dont know what it is about phone conversations, but i cant stand them. its hard to put into words how i feel about them, but when i know that i have to call someone or take a call from someone, it scares me to death. i think its because i hate awkwardness and you all know what im talking about with the lull in a conversation when its just awkward. neither of you know what to say so you say something dumb about the weather or you joke around with the other person. this fear also effects how i am at work because answering the phone at a place that i know barely anything about is horrible. thats why i pretend that i dont hear the phone or i ask the other person to answer. i simply dont want to be put in the situation where i cant help someone and honestly, i dont even really know how to work the phones. i dont think that people really understand how phone conversations truly effect me. im always told that i need to learn how to do these things and that im acting like a child because i dont want to make a phone call. its not that i dont want to talk to the person, its not that i dont know what to say to them, its simply the fact that when i pick up the phone to call someone or when i know that someone is calling me, i freak out. thats why i rarely answer my phone unless im really close to you and thats why i never call anyone. i just wish that people would understand that im not being irrational for not wanting to call someone. the only thing that im trying to avoid is the fear and dread that comes along with phone calls.

anyways sorry for the rant, but i had to try and make sense of what i was thinking. and i do know how dumb this sounds and i know that i shouldnt make a big deal out of it, but i really do try to not let it bother me, but today was one of the days that it is all that i can think about.